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how to successfully drink underage

Get hammered.

honestly man, pick a friday or saturday night (screw it, weekend bender if you can handle it) grab a few bevvys, pick a few mates, find a place to go, bang out the tunes and you're sorted.


park, beach, pavement, who gives a shit? wireless speakers are heaven, you can go fucking anywhere. but man, houses are the ultimate goal. an empty house is like collecting all the moshi monster characters even the gold ones. its brilliant. if you've got a free house you're a god.

invite just a few and let it turn into a party. man it's more fun if there's loads of you there, just fucking up the house. choose people that you're comfortable around mind you, later on you may be half naked dancing on the table to take that.

cheap ass drinks. pop yourself to the local corner store, find someone that's had a few themselves and ask them to grab you some booze. other options include buying a fake ID or pretending you're old enough or stealing some drinks out of the cupboard but i don't recommend. you ain't drinking because you like the taste, get the value stuff who cares if it tastes like ass. put your money together and grab a bottle of vodka, some coke and you're done.

the tunes make the night. start off cool, shove on some grime so you dont look like a loser and let the night take its toll. you will probably end up blasting out 00s tunes and possibly party dances after a few drinks so really who gives a shit.

secret snapchat stories are a winner. if you dont hide stuff people from school will end up seeing you drinking shots of your best friends tits. embarrassing. but still, you want to show off your banging outfit to some fit lads before it gets ruined so add them to the story and then delete them before your dressed gets rip and you've got sick in your hair.


drink drink drink, what else you meant to do. just chug that stuff back. party games are a winner, its like being at a kids party but with alcohol. you can have a few glasses of water inbetween the drinks you know to act like a responsible adult but really all you want to do is get blackout drunk and fuck your life up.


food. you have got to have either quick access to a fast food place or somewhere that will be able to understand your slurring and deliver. chinese or kebab or pizza no one even cares, everything tastes great when you're drunk even if its stone cold. its going to go everywhere so make sure you dont give a shit if it goes everywhere.


and thats it really. youre set for some class underage drinking. mind out not to screw any guys you shouldnt or text someone calling them a bitch because its never a good idea. but get fucked and wake up in the morning with a banging headache, kebab all down your front, a ripped dress, a bottle of vodka in your hand and no memory of the night before.







(obviously a satirical piece, dont take my advice x)

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