Skip to main content

how to successfully drink underage

Get hammered.

honestly man, pick a friday or saturday night (screw it, weekend bender if you can handle it) grab a few bevvys, pick a few mates, find a place to go, bang out the tunes and you're sorted.

park, beach, pavement, who gives a shit? wireless speakers are heaven, you can go fucking anywhere. but man, houses are the ultimate goal. an empty house is like collecting all the moshi monster characters even the gold ones. its brilliant. if you've got a free house you're a god.

invite just a few and let it turn into a party. man it's more fun if there's loads of you there, just fucking up the house. choose people that you're comfortable around mind you, later on you may be half naked dancing on the table to take that.

cheap ass drinks. pop yourself to the local corner store, find someone that's had a few themselves and ask them to grab you some booze. other options include buying a fake ID or pretending you're old enough or stealing some drinks out of the cupboard but i don't recommend. you ain't drinking because you like the taste, get the value stuff who cares if it tastes like ass. put your money together and grab a bottle of vodka, some coke and you're done.

the tunes make the night. start off cool, shove on some grime so you dont look like a loser and let the night take its toll. you will probably end up blasting out 00s tunes and possibly party dances after a few drinks so really who gives a shit.

secret snapchat stories are a winner. if you dont hide stuff people from school will end up seeing you drinking shots of your best friends tits. embarrassing. but still, you want to show off your banging outfit to some fit lads before it gets ruined so add them to the story and then delete them before your dressed gets rip and you've got sick in your hair.

drink drink drink, what else you meant to do. just chug that stuff back. party games are a winner, its like being at a kids party but with alcohol. you can have a few glasses of water inbetween the drinks you know to act like a responsible adult but really all you want to do is get blackout drunk and fuck your life up.

food. you have got to have either quick access to a fast food place or somewhere that will be able to understand your slurring and deliver. chinese or kebab or pizza no one even cares, everything tastes great when you're drunk even if its stone cold. its going to go everywhere so make sure you dont give a shit if it goes everywhere.

and thats it really. youre set for some class underage drinking. mind out not to screw any guys you shouldnt or text someone calling them a bitch because its never a good idea. but get fucked and wake up in the morning with a banging headache, kebab all down your front, a ripped dress, a bottle of vodka in your hand and no memory of the night before.

(obviously a satirical piece, dont take my advice x)


Popular posts from this blog

missing: madeline mccaan (theory)

Typically, the true crime posts I write such as The Beaumont Children or Who Put Bella In The Wych Elm? are factually based posts with (what I hope) is a high level of objectivity.  However, I was requested to discuss my theory on the Madeline McCann case so this Missing/Unsolved will be opinionated.

I have decided not to go into extensive detail about her disappearance, although I will give you the basic facts and discuss the reasons behind my theory whilst talking about it. Her case is one of the most publicised in the world, so I believe most people will have knowledge of her disappearance that does not require me to write about it. If you are not familiarised with it, you can read about Madeleine McCann here.

Quick disclaimer: I am in no way stating that this is definitely what happened to Madeline, nor am I claiming to have any personal factual evidence regarding what happened to her. Regardless of what happened to her, a little girl is still gone and family members deserve to k…

five tips for treating yourself on a budget

Treating yourself is important, whether or not it be to a simple chocolate bar or a trip to the cinema, buying something you love to give yourself a little happiness is a key to living a better life. As a student with little income, I find it difficult to afford to treat myself around all the things I am required to pay for. I spend a lot of my time hunting for deals or reduced items just so that I can give myself that little bit of joy. Today I am going to share with you my top tips for treating yourself on a budget.

1- Find yourself a free treat- Treating yourself may not be about purchasing something, it may simply be sleeping in a little extra on the weekends or going for a walk in your favourite park. Spending time doing things you love and taking care of yourself definitely counts as treating yourself and it is something everyone could do a lot more often!
2- Look in charity shops- This is especially good if you are a reader/enjoy watching movies, or even if you just want to trea…

four top self-help books

Self-help/life lesson books are something I love to read in my spare time. Although I do enjoy fictional pieces of work, I find it meaningful to also read books that further my personality, that help me learn how to move through personal challenges and understand my true self. Even if you're not a big fictional reader, I do think self-help books have a positive impact and tend not to be too difficult to read, so I always recommend at least trying to read one or two a year. As we move forward in time, and the world becomes more competitive, people judge themselves more and personal challenges get more difficult, the market for self-help books has expanded and more people are publishing life books than ever before. Here are a few self-help books I have personally read/I have heard incredible things about, in order to try and help you on your journey.
Take It All On Board: 8 Steps To Mastering The Slope & Life With Confidence by Kate Mackay
Certified Performance Coach, Kate Mackay s…